179. Leading in marriage Gods way

Hey everyone, welcome to show another great podcast, Purpose Through Pain, I am your host, Joseph James. Today I wanna talk to you about something that I have been feeling over the last several months almost a year now in transitioning and really making a transition with this podcast. So I'm gonna share that with you guys today.

For those that don't know me, I started this podcast over two years ago, based off of the loss and death of my father and wife, all within 22 days of each other and sharing life's pain and finding a purpose to it, and since then, a lot of things have transpired in my life. I am recently now married, halfway married, and God has been doing a lot of things in my life, and you guys know that, that have been listeners, we share our faith on here, we don't back down from that, I don't preach at anybody. But I do share my faith and I want you guys to know and understand where and why I'm making a transition. We're still gonna be talking about our struggles, but these are the struggles that are now gonna be focused more on our relationships, our children, our being a parent, and our business. So we're still gonna be talking about the purpose to be, but I'm gonna make a shift with things. And ultimately, I want you guys to know that recently I launched a coaching program called Alpha Leadership. Alpha is not, absolutely is not any type of control over people, not a control over relationships or any type of dictatorship. Most people think when they hear Alpha, they think somebody like a PAC leader or an Alpha mentality, okay? The alpha male, and that's what this is not about, absolutely. But what Alpha is about being first, as in the servant, being a servant first, and a leader Second Alpha leadership, and so I wanna tell you guys why I am making this transition after almost 14 years of marriage and then losing my wife to cancer. There's a lot of things that I went through that I just didn't know what to do, and so I set out for searching for myself. And, eventually I went through a lot of different I went through coaching and I went through my own personal development journey, and then of course I met a beautiful young lady that we had a very toxic relationship.

Most people would say, geez, you got to run, you've got to get out of this, and it caused a lot of stress, a lot of turmoil, a lot of anxiety to the point that we were on multiple times, we broke up multiple times, and this is something that society would've told us, dude, you got to run and you got to run fast and don't turn back. And that was the basis of our relationship. But we knew deep down inside that God had spoken to each one of us about being together, we didn't understand why we were going through things, but we knew that God was revealing things in our area that we need to be healed from, and I encourage you to do the same. You're going through something in your own life, just ask for you, it may be the universe, but just simply ask, what is it that I'm going through that I need to be healed from? Maybe it's the triggers that you go through in your relationship, maybe you as a single parent are struggling to raise children, maybe you're struggling with your business as well. I began to struggle with all of those things because I personally was not in alignment with the way God had created a man to be as a leader within his home, and again, it wasn't about domination. It wasn't about, control wasn't about a dictatorship, it was serving, but serving my wife, serving my family, and the way that God had called me to be. And so after months of just wrestling and fighting and arguing, we, we would break up and then we would get back together and we would put God first, and then we would do it again, and the cycle continues over and over, and some of you may be listening to this right now and saying, you know what? I feel like I'm in that same cycle with my significant other, a cycle that just never seems to end when it comes to our relationship, maybe you have Christ in your life and maybe you don't, but at the end of the day, you're still going through that toxic cycle, and this is where Alpha Leadership was developed and was created from, was the aspect of teaching men and women to come in the rightful place as the way God created them to be, men for as a leader within their home, their marriage themself, their family and their business, and wives being the leader also, but knowing her, knowing the place and what God has called them to be. Again, this isn't about one being underneath each other, this is not about the wife being underneath her beneath her husband. That's not what this is about. It's not what Alpha leadership is about, it's about the two. Being called and covenant coming in covenant with what God or with God, the way God created the both of you to be in a marriage. And so Alpha leadership was developed through this by our struggles, by our shortcomings, but yet by coming into alignment with the way God had created both of us to serve each other and to be there for each other. And the way to communicate and to love, I needed to show her love, I was also looking for respect as a man, and so we created Alpha Leadership because now we have a very beautiful marriage, because we came into alignment with the way God created it to be, doesn't mean that we don't have our struggles, we're not perfect, I strive for perfection, but I settle for excellence, and so Alpha leadership was birthed through that, and so I'm making a transition from the purpose to pain, even though we're gonna keep the title the same, we're gonna make that transition of really to focusing on the aspects of marriage, the aspects of raising a family and growing a business God's way, being who God called you to be, the alpha leader is what I call. So as this was developed, Rachel and I are always being developed. We still struggle, but when we came into that alignment, God has just blessed us so much. Since then, God has called us to do greater things, and that is to reach out, to help, to empower, to minister the touch broken re people that have broken or in broken relationships. People that marriages are struggling, maybe they're on the brink of divorce. Maybe you know that God has called you to do something and you know that God has called you and you may feel that your spouse is the one for you a hundred percent, but you're still struggling, the enemy's attacking every different way of your life. It's attacking your children, it's attacking your love relationship, your communication, your intimacy, your identity, that's what Alpha leadership is about, and as I take you on this journey, For however long this podcast will last I pray. My prayer is that wherever you're at in your own relationship, that if you don't know God, that you'll come to know his saving grace, but that also, you'll live a marriage, you'll live a life, you'll have a family, you'll have a business, blessed, prosperous, full of God's grace and mercy and love, and that your home will be filled the same. So I'm super excited about what has happened and I just wanna share a quick little story. Guys, I started to tell you a little bit about my relationship with Rachel. See, it all started off with seven great days, seven day, great days, and then we met each other, day eight, our first argument. Society paints the picture that we're not supposed to argue until six or seven months into it. We're supposed to get to know each other, we're supposed to have a whole bunch of fun, supposed to have that honeymoon phase, but there was no honeymoon phase with us. It went straight to toxicity, but there were things that were happening in our relationship triggers, and you've heard me mention in previous episodes that triggers are nothing more than wounds that are coming to the surface that have not been healed. So if you find yourself in a relationship and your significant other is constantly triggering you, that's just the place that God is trying to heal you from. It's not that individual that may be, that may have done that to you, they may be the one triggering you or setting the trigger off. Don't blame them, but get them to know and understand a communication, how to go about dealing with your troops.

Rachel and I, my now wife, okay, you've heard me reference my late wife that passed away of Cancer Lasette four years ago. Rachel, we started off on this dating and we got to know each other and we were doing everything we weren't supposed to be doing God's way, and we tried to do it our way multiple times. We fought, we yelled, we screamed, we did everything that we're not supposed to do as a godly couple. But we're normal, right? We're everyday human beings, we're not perfect. So we did what a lot of couples do, we don't talk to each other at times, wouldn't do the things that God wanted us to do, but yet we'd go to church. But we had God in our heart, but we just weren't living the way God wanted us to live, I'm gonna fast forward two years. We had already been engaged for well over a year, and we got to the point that it was time to be done with each other, I was ready for her to move out, her and her daughter, get out of my house, I don't want you here no more, it was toxic at every bit of it. I couldn't even come into my own home in a peaceful situation, I was staying at work longer just to stay away, but the reason why I came home, because I have three kids. I have three kids to take care of myself, and finally I told her, I says, Rachel, I said, this is either gonna be done, we're either gonna be done, and you've got to move out. Okay, we're going to do this God's way a hundred percent, and when I said those words, it's like a piece that came over us, but yet we knew we had to put in the work. So what did this guy do? This guy went to sleeping on the couch four or five months of it, I had to make sure that I wasn't walking in certain areas of the house where I knew when she was taking a shower or when she was doing things I had to withstand. The pressures of life of wanting to do something that I had already been doing, but it was living not the way God intended us to live, and when we started to make that decision, when I started to make the sacrifice of sleeping on the couch and not doing everything that society expects us to do as a couple, sleeping together, acting like we're married, but yet not married, I was, we were doing everything that God didn't want us to do. And when we came into that alignment, that's when God really started just pouring out the floodgates of heaven over our lives, and our lives become started to become even more blessed, not only financially within the business, but my relationship with my children, my relationship with her, but even more importantly, my relationship with God, my relationship with myself. Because I truly believe to be a leader in any type of capacity, and there's men and women that are leaders out there, I believe that all of us can be leaders, that we have to lead ourself before we can ever be at a place of leading somebody else, but a lot of us are thrown into a position, we have kids at an early age. Maybe we took a job that we were forced into a leadership position when we weren't ready, but I believe at the end of the day, we have the choice to make, to work within ourselves. When Rachel and I made the decision that we were going to come into true alignment with the way that God created us to be as leaders within ourself, as leaders within our marriage, our family, and our business, we knew that God would bless us. And it did and it happened, and that's why we're making the big shift of going from not just the purpose through pain, ‘cause that's what it's, we had a purpose, the pain that we went through is so that we can help restore and empower men and women today to come in their God-given right and call to be the leaders within their family, within themself, their marriage, their business, the way God has called them.

So I wanted to give you guys a special announcement of, if you guys don't already follow us, our website is thealphaleadership.com. We're also on Facebook under Joseph James or Alpha Leadership, as well as our Instagram @meetJosephJames. We offer coaching, we offer coaching for men only, for women only, and as well as couples. So I wanted to give you guys this because I know we have listeners all over the world that are tuning in and have been tuning in for quite some time now. The transition that we're making in terms of not so much about the pain and the grief, even though that will be a part of it, but we're gonna focus on a lot of areas within the marriage and how to strengthen a marriage, how to live a godly marriage, how to strengthen communication, how to strengthen intimacy, how for women to be loved by their husbands and men to be respected by their wives. Love and respect guys, thank you so much, I love you guys. Stay tuned for future episodes every week on Tuesday, no matter where you're at in the world Purpose Through Pain. Your Alpha leader, Joseph James.

I love you guys. Talk soon.